Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed next to his wife, and quickly passed out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Moments later, he woke up standing before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBob,\u201d St. Peter said solemnly, \u201cyou died in your sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat?! No way!\u201d Bob shouted. \u201cI can\u2019t be dead \u2014 I\u2019ve got too much to live for! Please, send me back!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n St. Peter sighed. \u201cThere\u2019s only one way I can send you back, and that\u2019s as a chicken.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Before Bob could argue, everything went white \u2014 and suddenly, he was covered in feathers<\/strong>, standing in a farmyard, pecking at the ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A rooster strutted over. \u201cSo, you\u2019re the new hen, huh? How\u2019s your first day?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNot bad,\u201d Bob said, \u201cbut I\u2019ve got this weird feeling\u2026 like I\u2019m gonna explode!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The rooster laughed. \u201cThat\u2019s called ovulating. You\u2019re about to lay your first egg. Just relax and let it happen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n A few seconds later, plop!<\/strong> Out came an egg. Bob was overwhelmed with emotion \u2014 pure joy! He laid another one, and then another. He\u2019d never felt prouder in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just as he was about to lay a fourth, he felt a sharp smack on the back of his head<\/strong> and heard his wife yelling:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBob! Wake up, you idiot \u2014 you\u2019re sh*tting the bed!\u201d<\/strong> \ud83d\ude2d\ud83d\udc14<\/p>\n\n\n\n And that, folks, is why Bob no longer drinks before bedtime!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed next to his wife, and quickly passed out. Moments later, he woke up standing before St. Peter at the… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":201,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18578","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18578","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=18578"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18578\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18579,"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18578\/revisions\/18579"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=18578"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=18578"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yxnews.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=18578"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}